笑话1:
阿丽:小倩说我胖得跟猪似的。
二强:这么说都是给你面子。
阿丽:尼玛!给我滚出去!
二强:你把大门堵死死的,我怎么滚!
笑话2:
每次路过网吧,看到那些沉迷于网络的青少年,我就感觉阵阵痛心,本想凭我一己之力来唤醒他们心中的斗志,可怎奈力不从心。。。所以我只能刷上身份证,占一台机器,能挽回一人算一人。。。
笑话3:
妈妈带儿子上楼不小心闪了腰,一脸痛苦。
儿子关切地问:“妈妈,你怎么了?”妈妈:“我闪着腰了。”
儿子指着楼道里一明一暗的声控灯说:“哦,是灯泡闪着你的腰了吧?”
笑话4:
岁的儿子顽劣不堪,自己的房间整天搞得乱七八糟。我大声训斥他一顿后,让他写份书面检查。不久,儿子兴冲冲地从房里跑了出来,把一张写好字的纸条交给我,说:“贴到我门口,这个问题立马就解决了。”
我低头一看,只见纸条上写着:私人禁地,谢绝参观。
超级笑话故事笑死人(三)
笑话5:
每次打完老婆,她都对我说:“我算是认识你了!”也许这就是不打不相识吧。
笑话6:
长线投资
一位8岁的女孩拿着三角钱来到瓜园买瓜,瓜农见她钱太少,便想糊弄小姑娘离开,指着一个未长大的小瓜说:“三角钱只能买到那个小瓜”,女孩答应了,兴高采烈的把钱递给瓜农,瓜农很惊讶:“这个瓜还没熟,你要它怎么吃呢?”女孩:“交上钱这瓜就属于我了,等瓜长大熟了我再来取吧。”
笑话7:
five months older
the second world war had begun, and john wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. so when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
but john‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. this doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw john‘s papers, he was surprised.
"how old are you?" he said.
"eighteen, sir," said john.
"but your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "are you twins?"
"oh, no, sir," said john, and his face went red. "my brother is five months older than i am."
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了,约翰想参军,可他只有十六岁,当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时,他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天,而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时,感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八,长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁,你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了,说:“哦,不是,长官,我哥哥比我大五个月。”
名言
企图心是通往成功的道路,坚持是载你抵达终点的车辆。
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